I received an email today from a local list I’ve subscribed to, and I think its just coincidental how…it fit my day’s description. I thought I’d blog a poojified version in order to protect the list’s copyright.
I was raised in a controlling environment I knew my place. Nevertheless, I never forgot to be civil in every situation. I’m sure this worked out well for everyone, especially my immediate family. Children were not meant to be seen nor heard. There is a huge generation gap between my friends and myself, even those who are born but a few months after myself. Discipline was high on the list in my household, but at the expense of individual expression and feeling. I persevered in secret. I taught myself what I know now, which isn’t much, but it will get me through. I long since have known and felt the consequences of putting others’ needs before my own. I never lost sight of my personal value, yet hid it away. Children were not meant to be seen nor heard. This week I took back some of my control, and I cannot tell you all how uncomfortably overpowering it felt. I know, I have the power to do as I wish. To control. It’s an aspect in every part of my life, yet sometimes I let things be. I let people be. Perhaps its safer that way. Perhaps I'm safer that way. Untouched by power's consequences. Egoistic, yes, to be slack, yet, it felt good to step into my own power, and strange to know that what I did felt right. By no means am I domineering, or commanding, but it is the little things, like speaking my mind, that shake me up. I have been told and I know that I am a warm person, supporting those who need it, and I must stress that I recognize, as an individual, and not because someone may have pointed it out, the drain of giving when and where it isn’t wanted. I am both afraid, yet triumphant, and one might even say hopeful about what I am capable of when I step into my strength. I am cautious. I have been brought up with lips sewed shut. I do not speak, I listen. Yet, it felt good to reverse the roles, not worrying about the consequences, for one. Letting go of controlling the outcome of a situation has allowed me to take control of my actions. True freedom is trusting what my heart says, for once. Acting on heartspeak rather than mind, the truth, rather than an illusion, though I digress that this works both ways, each one as fallible as the other. When does letting go of control put you in control?
posted by: specter (reply)
post date: 11.18.04 (8:52 pm)
Sometimes you have to let go of all that control that keeps you from speaking your mind in order to prevent damaging yourself. When you hold it all in and let it build, eventually it all explodes, usually at the worst time and in the worst way. Controlled releasesare much better than uncontrolled, angry explosions.
posted by: VodkaB (reply)
post date: 11.18.04 (8:56 pm)
Reply to: specter
*laugh* Hakuna Matata? :)
posted by: VodkaB (reply)
post date: 11.18.04 (8:57 pm)
Reply to: jennirae269
*smile* Like a soda bottle. I tend to explode when shaken up, after the pressure builds for a while.
I wish I could just let go..
posted by: :) (reply)
post date: 11.18.04 (10:38 pm)
When does letting go of control put you in control?.......
Because your heart will take control..... And sometimes its a better guide than the logical mind, for it follows the path of warmth.... because, for all the pain it will inflict upon one and those around.... in the end.. all will be well... for the heart is pure, and the path that it follows is untainted.
posted by: VodkaB (reply)
post date: 11.19.04 (1:54 am)
Reply to: :)
*hug* Ta e.
posted by: grrlpink (reply)
post date: 11.19.04 (4:33 am)
like the post... and the pic.
posted by: VodkaB (reply)
post date: 11.19.04 (5:29 pm)
